Perception

If you haven't noticed, I use my Yahoo avatar as my image on this blog. I do this because I don't find myself particularly photogenic. Some may disagree, but, it is, after all, a matter of perception. [did anyone notice the number, of, commas, in, that, last, sentence?]

So, I would like to perceive myself looking like this:

However, I feel like I look like this:

It's kinda sad, I know. * sigh *

So, this is what being an asshole is like?

I'm at the gym this morning (don't worry, the apocalypse is not upon us, just that my pants have staged a revolution...story for another time).

I get on the elliptical. The one on the end, because I don't like other cars to park near me and ding my doors on at least one side.

Ellipting.

Ellipting.

I notice the woman two or three machines to my left is glancing over.

[No shame,] I look directly at her (all the while I'm ellipting even faster...Chicks dig fast ellipterers).

She smiles. I smile back.

She's making eyes at me (Swingers' style, just without the baby).

I now puff my chest out like some kind of Mutual of Omaha mating moment.

I glance over again. Pretty face. Sweaty in that "I'm-sweaty-but-I'm-sexy-cuz-this-is-what-my-face-looks-like-during-sex" kind of way.

She dismounts. One big step. That's gonna be a 3/10 point deduction, but shouldn't affect her all-around score.

I notice her legs. They're funky. Funkily shaped. Skinny ankles, almost tapering to a point to her heel. But, as you look up, each leg widens to almost 10X the width of aforementioned ankle.

Her legs look like, well, table legs.

She glances back one more time. I start repeating my Spanish lesson on my iPod a little louder, glance back, and crack a Charlie Brown, squiggly line smile back.

Game over.

I'm an asshole.

What day is today?

I've been in the office for about an hour and a half now. I've been furiously responding to e-mail sent to me yesterday (I left at 1500, just because), and have been furiously updating status reports.

And, thus far, every reference to today in anything I have written and subsequently sent reads "Tuesday". (if you haven't noticed, today is Wednesday....my cube neighbor just confirmed that for me)

This is gonna be a long rest of the week.

The Web 2.0 Syndrome

I'm addicted to online networking. Facebook and LinkedIn in particular. I use Facebook for more "social networking", although I belong to a former company's "alumni" group here (LinkedIn became too cumbersome for this group, especially when it came to mass e-mail distribution). I use LinkedIn for "professional networking", although I'll admit I try to "connect" with media hotties (Ginger Zee and Michelle Gielan, I'm talking to you). And, I can't seem to NOT be on one of these two sites during the day -- LinkedIn whilst in the office, and Facebook when I get home.

Both have provided some critical utility to my life. LinkedIn allows me to connect with old colleagues and maintain my otherwise gargantuan professional (and pseudo-social -- Yalile and Sherry I'm talking about you two) network of contacts. The "social" side of me (my sisters would argue that I'm hardly "social" and more of an angry curmudgeon who seeks new scapegoats for my otherwise miserable life) uses Facebook to "manage" the social web that I weave (metaphor: That Brown Man is an angry curmudgeon of a spider....oh never mind).

However, I have transcended the "networking" portion of our program. I am on LinkedIn pretty much all day at work. I'm always checking to see what my connections are doing, and what updates I can leverage. Sure, I have plenty of work to do...enough, in fact, for two or three people (I say that because I have three team members, and along with my own daily work, I'm constantly correcting theirs. * sigh *). But. I. Can't. Seem. To. Stay. Off. Of. LinkedIn.

Facebook just adds to the problem It is like the morphine to my LinkedIn cocaine in my Web 2.0 speedball. It started slowly. Just a few hits, err, I mean a few friends. Then a "friend" introduced me to an online Facebook game THAT I CHECK EVERY DAY TWICE, SOMETIMES THREE TIMES A DAY. (yes, "my liege", you know who I'm talkin' 'bout) And, I continue my search of media hotties on Facebook -- * knock, knock *, Michelle and Ginger, you still there? My laptop will have to pried from my cold dead fingers.

But wait, that's not all. It gets worse. I have Facebook for my Blackberry, so I can get my Facebook hit even if I'm not in front of my computer.

What the hell is wrong with me? Is there a cure? Somebody save me!

Can I use a mulligan here?

I want a do-over for this past weekend. Nicest weather we've had so far, I stayed indoors for much of it. And, I didn't have much fun whatsoever. What are the possibilities of driving my Delorean 88 mph until the flux capacitor kicks in and I am whisked back to Friday night?